TO THEE, MY LORD !

To ask Thee who am I
And why hast Thou sent me here on earth,
I have come to Thy shrine many a time, my Lord !

Upset and puzzled like a child
Who has lost his guide's hand in a crowd,
I have looked at Thy face for Thy kindly light.

But through the haziness of tears,
My eyes have seen on Thy lips only a smile that is
Mysteriously speechless and almost cruel.


I wonder why dost Thou never speak a word to me
And why must I always return from Thy feet
With my heart's grief deeper and heavier !


Days pass on inconsolably and when the night comes
I lie on my bed and sadly wish that rather than another lightless day,
The dark hours of respite may last and last for ever.


Morning nevertheless arrives again
Ending my grief's nightly lease of privacy
And with the external light's brightness, returns the agonised darkness of my within.

Time's wheels roll ceaselessly
As my dying patience wonders, my Lord
Shall I never know the mission of my being here !


And will the flute of my life
Break asunder one day
Without the melody of purpose ever blowing through it ?

Spring 1974 - Hans Dholakia

Composed in 1974, this poem reflects the agonised state of an enquirer's mind. For the waking soul it represents one of the last dark nights just before the dawn of an endless romance with the divine ; the painful but true longing is there and so the joyful tryst will,one day, sure be.